That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
