Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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