He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
