the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
