it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
