Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
