If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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