I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
