Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
