God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
