Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
