I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
