GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
