I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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