I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
