i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
