my mouth tastes like poor choices
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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