I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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