I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
