there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
