Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
