smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i permit you to call me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
