so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
