I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
