So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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