In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just blew my weed a kiss
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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