bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize