and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
