office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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