Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize