I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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