I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
