Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize