he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
