PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the day after is always just damage control
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
