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Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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