Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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