you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
