I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
