1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
