her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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