i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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