Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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