When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
