oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We don't watch enough power rangers
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
