Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
