Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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