My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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