I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
