my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
