just survived the first fart of the relationship.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize