The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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