Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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