hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They took my balls.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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