I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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