You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
