So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
