I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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