I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize