oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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