wrigley field is MILF paradise
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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