I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
