I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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