His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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