i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
