Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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