i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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