I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
